What Fresh Hell Is This?

October 8, 2005

A River of Chocolate Behind My House

So I've been watching/listening to the C-SPAN 25-Hour Call-In Marathon off and on since it started last night and Mona Charen has just wrapped up as the guest for the last hour. As if listening to Mona prop up Shrub for an hour wasn't bad enough, there was one caller who was just so disturbing that I had to change the channel for a few minutes until I felt it was safe to switch back.

The caller was a woman and, no, she wasn't giving some passionate defense of Bush or railing against abortion or being openly racist or whatever else you might suppose may have set me off her call.

She said at the beginning of her call that she wanted to give testimony to her life (or something close to that).

She then gave a not so brief personal bio which was punctuated with moments when God came into and changed her life.

Now, I'm somewhat certain that I have made it clear in writing on this blog that I am an atheist. That does not mean that if she had said something like, "I had some problem and I prayed on it and read the Bible and found comfort" or "found the answer I was seeking" that I would have felt compelled to turn the channel.

This is not the type of intervention by God that this woman was claiming.

She would make statements like, "I had a brother who died before I was born and my parents were so sad so they prayed and prayed and then I was born."

Woman, did it ever occur to you that your parents had SEX and that's why you were born?!? Probably lots and lots of SEX? Hot, sweaty SEX that resulted in your miraculous birth?

I'm sorry, but this was one simple woman -- and by simple, I mean every significant moment in her life she claimed as some sort of miracle of God.

Another miracle occurred when she was 17 and had apparently dropped out in the 10th grade and was told she could never get far in life but she wanted to join the army and she, "prayed and prayed and then Carter decided to let people with only a 10th grade education join the army."


I mean doesn't this go beyond mere magical thinking into the realm of utter hubris? It's akin to when some Grammy/Emmy/Oscar winner thanks God for winning as if there was a God that God would give a royal fuck who won a motherfucking trophy! It's akin to someone thanking God for answering their prayers by sparing their life in a flood...as in if only the ones who perished had just prayed a little harder...or prayed harder to the 'right' god...

Obviously there's something very, very wrong with this woman or with myself because we both cannot be right in our thinking.

Now, I'm sure some of you out there will think that I'm the one who is as twisted as the pretzel that Bush choked on (Go Pretzels!), but if that is the case and this woman does indeed have a direct hotline to the Lord's Ear, I'd like to make a small suggestion:
Can she maybe "pray and pray" for world peace, or an end to hunger, or a river of chocolate to suddenly appear behind my house, or something far more useful than the prayers God has been apparently answering for her up to now?

Is that really so much to ask of anyone who has the power to make the Leader of the Free World change military policy by dint of prayer just to comply with her own personal wish?


My head hurts.

Must lay down with a cold rag over my forehead...


porchwise said...

Excellent dissertation. Wonder there hadn't been a chorus of 'amens' for background music.

Maria said...


But then again, I think that ALL my posts should be read with a chorus of amens for background music.

Anonymous said...

In reality, your posts reveal an angry, self-righteous woman who, we now learn, has no faith.

Having no faith is your right, and probably at the root of your never-ending anger. Now, you choose to ridicule those of faith, regardless of how simple the individual appears, even though it gives that person comfort.

More to the pity...

Maria said...

Well, ignoring all the posts I write which give people information on events that they can attend and campaigns that they can join which are quite POSITIVE in nature, and ignoring the ones that are mostly humorous, it is true that some of the posts reveal anger/disgust.

In answer to that, I will quote "The Daily Show" senior political correspondent Stephen Colbert talking abut Howard Dean:

"It's one thing to believe President Bush's policies are leading this country to a bleak future of massive debt, increased terrorism and environmental catastrophe, but does Dean have to be so angry about it? It just comes off as petty."

So I guess you agree with Colbert.

Now as to the "self-righteous" part, you saying that the root of my "never-ending anger" is due to my having no faith is quite self-righteous on YOUR part. LOL

But first and foremost, this is a political blog. For you to assume some deep physiological understanding of me only from what I write here is really over-reaching.

Moreover, the woman I ridiculed called into a political discussion of Bush on a political call in show. She put her ideas out to the public in an open forum. She was not, say, even someone calling into a religious talk show that I happened to tune into so I could ridicule the participants (or, say, someone who comes to a Left blog to criticize Lefties).

Furthermore, I did not "choose to ridicule those of faith," and I specifically said that I wouldn't have turned the channel if she had said something like, "I had some problem and I prayed on it and read the Bible and found comfort." Whatever gets you through the night...

But, yes, I feel perfectly comfortable ridiculing someone who believes that the Supreme Being intervenes into the day-to-day decisions of the Leader of the Free World to cause that leader to change his whole enlistment policy just to help that one person's employment situation.

It's my belief that she is delusional and my right to say it. If you believe that she did force the Leader of the Free World to change military policy towards the enlistment of high school dropouts, it's your right to believe that and your right to state it for all the world to see.

And, you can even do it under your real name if you want. ;-)

enigma4ever said...

Self rightous she said ? hmmm, well - but You are Right..and if you are Right about so much that is wrong at this time- gee, unless you have had a lobotomy- you should indeed be angry...Don't you love when these bored,lonely, sniveling RePug Thugs come a-visiting? Must have been out of beer or nascar....Love your blog- keep it up....come visit over at http://watergatesummer.blogspot.com/, you will find good company.....

Mrs. Lights said...

Anonymous, are you serious? Because you sound like a parody...

Gloria Forouzan said...

Very often this blog provides pertinent information that traditional media in Pgh. do not carry.

Plus the humor inserted into so many of the stories is most appreciated (if you didn't provide a laugh, I'd cry at most of the Bush insanity)

Anonymous, how about using your name? People who hide behind 'anon' are not people who I take seriously. It's hard to respect someone who doesn't have the courage to use their name, yet has the time & energy to complain about a person writing, from their point of view, in their OWN blog, for an appreciative readership.

Aren't there enough Conservative blogs for you to chime in on?