The caller was a woman and, no, she wasn't giving some passionate defense of Bush or railing against abortion or being openly racist or whatever else you might suppose may have set me off her call.
She said at the beginning of her call that she wanted to give testimony to her life (or something close to that).
She then gave a not so brief personal bio which was punctuated with moments when God came into and changed her life.
Now, I'm somewhat certain that I have made it clear in writing on this blog that I am an atheist. That does not mean that if she had said something like, "I had some problem and I prayed on it and read the Bible and found comfort" or "found the answer I was seeking" that I would have felt compelled to turn the channel.
This is not the type of intervention by God that this woman was claiming.
She would make statements like, "I had a brother who died before I was born and my parents were so sad so they prayed and prayed and then I was born."
Woman, did it ever occur to you that your parents had SEX and that's why you were born?!? Probably lots and lots of SEX? Hot, sweaty SEX that resulted in your miraculous birth?
I'm sorry, but this was one simple woman -- and by simple, I mean every significant moment in her life she claimed as some sort of miracle of God.
Another miracle occurred when she was 17 and had apparently dropped out in the 10th grade and was told she could never get far in life but she wanted to join the army and she, "prayed and prayed and then Carter decided to let people with only a 10th grade education join the army."
I mean doesn't this go beyond mere magical thinking into the realm of utter hubris? It's akin to when some Grammy/Emmy/Oscar winner thanks God for winning as if there was a God that God would give a royal fuck who won a motherfucking trophy! It's akin to someone thanking God for answering their prayers by sparing their life in a flood...as in if only the ones who perished had just prayed a little harder...or prayed harder to the 'right' god...
Obviously there's something very, very wrong with this woman or with myself because we both cannot be right in our thinking.
Now, I'm sure some of you out there will think that I'm the one who is as twisted as the pretzel that Bush choked on (Go Pretzels!), but if that is the case and this woman does indeed have a direct hotline to the Lord's Ear, I'd like to make a small suggestion:
Can she maybe "pray and pray" for world peace, or an end to hunger, or a river of chocolate to suddenly appear behind my house, or something far more useful than the prayers God has been apparently answering for her up to now?
Is that really so much to ask of anyone who has the power to make the Leader of the Free World change military policy by dint of prayer just to comply with her own personal wish?
My head hurts.
Must lay down with a cold rag over my forehead...