What Fresh Hell Is This?

October 20, 2005

Study Reveals Pittsburgh Unprepared For Full-Scale Zombie Attack -- Ignored by Local Media

Perhaps the most disturbing thing about this article from The Onion is that we see no information about this study in the local MSM: nothing in the Post-Gazette, or the Tribune Review or on any of the local Pittsburgh TV channels.


We had to learn about the article from other local bloggers who found it:

PITTSBURGH—A zombie-preparedness study, commissioned by Pittsburgh Mayor Tom Murphy and released Monday, indicates that the city could easily succumb to a devastating zombie attack. Insufficient emergency-management-personnel training and poorly conceived undead-defense measures have left the city at great risk for all-out destruction at the hands of the living dead, according to the Zombie Preparedness Institute.

"When it comes to defending ourselves against an army of reanimated human corpses, the officials in charge have fallen asleep at the wheel," Murphy said. "Who's in charge of sweep-and-burn missions to clear out infected areas? Who's going to guard the cemeteries at night? If zombies were to arrive in the city tomorrow, we'd all be roaming the earth in search of human brains by Friday."

(more here)
The article mentions that Pittsburgh is "a prime target of the undead." Something of which all Pittsburghers are well aware.

While the piece states that outgoing Mayor Murphy commissioned the study, we would have liked to have seen some comment from the mayoral candidates running in the November 8th election. Was Bob O'Connor unavailable for comment? Perhaps the local papers can also get some of the other candidates to comment on their plans for zombie control. Green party candidate Titus North appears to be a thoughtful man and we're certain that David Tessitor would have something to say on this subject -- well, ANY subject, really.

We'd also like to know what City Council is doing, or planning to do, about the zombie problem. At the very least we would expect them to hold a post agenda meeting to be telecast live on the City Channel. I know I'd watch.

For those new to Pittsburgh: I'd especially advise staying away from the little blonde girls...

And, remember:

They're coming to get you, Barbara!


Anonymous said...

I thought the undead voted in Allegheny County during every election? No news there.

Shawn said...

I can only imangine an enraged Les Ludwig yelling "I tried to warn you! But you wouldn't listen!" during the next big zombie attack.

Maria said...



Do MORE zombie hunting with LES!