Mike Wallace Needs to Sue Someone

Mike Wallace was on Hardball with Chris Mathews on Monday night and I cannot tell you one thing that was said on the show because I was too busy gasping at the screen.

After watching the show I am left with many questions:

- Did Wallace's enemies payoff the makeup person?

- And, how much was the bribe?

- Does it hurt to have Miniwax Sedona Red #222 Wood Finish on your face for that long?

- Did they really have to use the entire tube of Revlon Super Lustrous "Pink Afterglow" Lipgloss on him?

- And finally, if was willing to lunge at a TLC inspector for messing with his driver, why didn't he KILL the person who did this to his face:

Now you'll just have to take my word for it that the above picture does not do justice to the pumpkin hue of his cheeks, the inch of non-made up skin at the hairline, the Clown White that they used above and below his eyes, and the oh-so-shimmery pale pink lipgloss. He was like some bastard child of Tammy Faye and Kathleen Harris.

The colors were so mesmerizing that I could barely tear myself away long enough to grab the camera and take some snaps.

My friend said, "Maybe it's a bad tan," but then Wallace would gesture with his hands which were clearly of some other race/species...

And, it really didn't help when they'd split-screen him with Chris Matthews. Obviously the camera used on Mathews had been borrowed from The View and someone forgot to wipe off the inch of Vaseline on the lens.

Seriously, Wallace deserves better than this.