Prosecute the torture.

May 25, 2006

Crazy-ass Republicans and the Media Who Love Them!

First up: DeLay Hearts Stephen Colbert
Via Think Progress:

The email features a “one-pager on the truth behind Liberal Hollywood’s the Big Buy,” and the lead item is Colbert’s interview with Greenwald on Comedy Central (where Colbert plays a faux-conservative, O’Reilly-esque character). The headline of the “fact sheet”:
Hollywood Pulls Michael Moore Antics on Tom deLay
Colbert Cracks the Story on Real Motivations Behind the Movie
DeLay thinks Colbert is so persuasive, he’s now featuring the full video of the interview at the top of the legal fund’s website. And why not? According to the email, Greenwald “crashed and burned” under the pressure of Colbert’s hard-hitting questions, like “Who hates America more, you or Michael Moore?”Apparently the people at DeLay’s legal fund think that Colbert is actually a conservative. Or maybe they’re just that desperate for supporters.

Next: WAPO Goes Ape Shit for Bill Frist
Do not read if you're not into hot man-on-gorilla action
Via AmericaBlog:
"I gravitate towards insurmountable problems," Frist said, his long legs spilling between the front seats. "I try to use creative solutions." One day, he hopes to cure AIDS or cancer. He sucked on the stem of his glasses: "The typical person around here may not understand."

[snip]

He unbuttoned his business shirt, revealing jungle-pattern surgical scrubs and a pair of hairy, toned biceps.

"A little bit like Superman," said the dentist, Chuck Williams.

[snip]

He pressed his stethoscope to the gorilla's chest and narrowed his eyes. Kuja, a silverback patriarch, was breathing isofluorine. He was the Senate majority leader of the gorillas, who negotiated disputes, back-slapped the ape boys and owned exclusive mating rights with the females.

[snip]

Frist listened to the heart; the gorilla's lub-dub sounded human. "When you're this close, you feel this kind of oneness with them," Frist said. The stink of ape sweat and gorilla testosterone soaked his hair and clothes.

[snip]

At 9:30 a.m., Frist opened the Senate, gripping the corners of the lectern, as he had the operating table. Across the city, rolling in a bed of hay, Kuja opened his eyes and grunted. The gorilla kept touching his tongue to his tooth. Something had changed inside of the beast while he slept. Frist smiled and spoke unremarkably from the lectern, reeking of silverback testosterone.
This is not a parody! Link to WAPO article "Bill Frist: A Doctor at Heart" here.

No mention of how Herr Docktor used to adopt kittens from animal shelters to "practice" on when he was a med student...

6 comments:

Shawn said...

"The stink of ape sweat and gorilla testosterone soaked his [Frist's] hair and clothes."

Does lil' Ricky know about this?

Sherry P said...

frist has a HEART??

John said...

Wow. Wow wow wow wow wow.

Justin said...

I couldn’t get the video on DeLay’s website to work either in IE or FF, but as I’m always in the mood to see conservatives make fools of themselves, I managed to find this alternate link. Unfortunately, it’s not YouTube or Google Video, so you need to have QuickTime installed, or at least something else that’s going to play .mov files.

Shawn said...

What should one call Frist's moment with the gorilla?

I vote for "Silverback Mountain."

You drive me ape you big gorilla said...

I don't know when I think of the ultra manly Dr. Frist soaked in big hairy gorilla testosterone, I...I...I think I just gave myself a case of the vapors! Either that, or I just vomited a little in my mouth.