What Fresh Hell Is This?

February 9, 2010

General Luke Ravenstahl Announces "I have returned" to the War On Snow

Luke Ravenstahl promises to not just fade away.

Two years ago (almost to the day) General Luke Ravenstahl, after suffering heavy losses to the elements, vowed "to pull out all the stops -- and a few more snow plows as well -- to make sure it doesn't happen again." On that day in 2008, he famously declared a "War On Snow."

Last night, General Ravenstahl announced "I have returned" to a snow weary City of Pittsburgh.

Ravenstahl was bogged down in Laurel Highlands when the City was blitzed by the surprise attack (the neighborhoods of Beltzhoover, South Side, and Beechview being the hardest hit).

General Ravenstahl has now brought in reinforcements from the National Guard and has called upon the citizenry to join in the battle to ensure our right to once again move freely throughout our fair City.

Ravenstahl also swore a solemn oath to take on undesirable elements in City Council once order has been restored saying, "I am concerned for the security of our great City; not so much because of any threat from without, but because of the insidious forces working from within."

God Bless and Godspeed, General Ravenstahl!

A grateful City salutes you.



EdHeath said...

I would laugh, but I'm kinda too busy crying.

Two years ago.

Promised we wouldn't be in this situation again.

Gloria said...

Maria, this is one of your best ever. Really. Thanks for the laugh, I needed it.

Robert said...

This is spectacularly brilliant and hilarious!

Rage Against the Democratic Machine said...

The Mayoral Primary is more than three years away -- everyone will forget this failure.

By the way, when does the Boy Mayor grow up into a total incompetent?

Maria said...


Forget it in three years? Most seem to forget it anew every year.

See here.

Rage Against the Democratic Machine said...

Agreed. What point does Lukey's get-out-of-jail free card (e.g. the Boy Mayor) expire?