What Fresh Hell Is This?

September 27, 2013

Josh Wanders the Road Less Traveled to Election Day

There are many paths that one can travel as a candidate for elective office. Some running for mayor might give years of public service, put out 100 policy papers, knock on doors all over the city, and attend hundreds of community meetings -- others try a road less traveled...

Here's the one taken by Josh Wander, Republican nominee for Mayor of Pittsburgh:

August 2012
Do a creepy "mock interview with myself pre and post an Apocalyptic event...."
December 2012
Appear on a national television show referring to the city that you want to become mayor of as an "urban deathtrap." Also be filmed running around a park with your buds covered in fake blood--guns in hand--playacting your response to some catastrophic event.

January 2013
Publish a YouTube video pushing your government conspiracy theory:
"I see the government playing a sort of PSYOPs game against the 2nd Amendment lovers, against people that care about their rights of bearing arms. What I mean by that is that I think that they're trying to bait us. I think they're trying to get us riled up and they're trying to get one of us that's possibly on the edge to do a crazy act of desperation..."
April 2013
Do a local TV interview where all you do is bitch about how terrible Pittsburgh is and why no one would want to live here.
June 2013
Do a newspaper interview moaning about how no one takes your campaign seriously.
August 2013
Admit you're not in the race to win.

September 2013
Relate in an interview that you've sold your home, moved with your family to a foreign country, and "expects to return in time for the Nov. 5 election against Democrat Bill Peduto but would instruct campaign staff to assume his duties otherwise."

Have your press secretary resign citing law school commitments.
*** Obligatory Disclaimer: As everyone should know by now, I've been working part-time for People For Peduto since 2010

1 comment:

Dayvoe said...

He wonders why no one takes him seriously?