An Open Letter to the Stupid F*cking Bitch Who Nearly Ran Me Over Tonight

Dear Stupid Fucking Bitch with license plate # ERE-1517:

You nearly ran me over tonight. Oh, wait, you may have nearly run over who-knows-how-many people tonight so let me be more exact as to which one I was. I was the woman crossing East Carson Street at South 24th tonight around 9:20.

I had a green light, I had the walk signal, I had right of way as a pedestrian and I was halfway across Carson when you came within inches of hitting me.

You were the stupid fucking bitch who made a left off of South 24th onto Carson flying like a bat out of hell with one hand on the wheel and a cell phone in the other hand yacking on it like a stupid fucking bitch.

The license plate number of the car you were driving was ERE-1517. You are young with dirty blonde hair pulled back and are a stupid fucking bitch.

I was the woman who had to jerk to a stop and try to back up as I think you may have swerved ever so slightly (not sure about the swerve part -- I was busy trying to save my life). I also yelled out "stupid fucking bitch" to you but as you were still speeding, you may not have heard me. I am also the woman who had the presence of mind to memorize your license plate (ERE-1517) as you sped off.

You look to me like the kind of stupid fucking bitch who probably idolizes Paris Hilton, so here's a clue: you will end up having to spend far longer in jail than she has if you keep driving like a stupid fucking bitch.

I hope that someone recognizes the license plate number of ERE-1517 and gives me your name and contact information.

Sincerely,
Maria, the woman who you nearly ran over because you are such a stupid fucking bitch