What Fresh Hell Is This?

April 24, 2007

Back from the future

You may have been wondering why I haven't blogged much in the past week or so. As it turns out, I had the rare opportunity to take a peek into our future -- two years to be exact. Foregoing any thoughts of personal safety and expense, I jumped at the chance, but I have to say, little had really changed.

You're not allowed to bring anything back with you, but I did manage to slip one postcard past my time machine hosts and I present it here for you, dear readers:

As you can see, there has been one minor change: the name of our fair city. It's been changed to honor our fabulous Boy Wonder Mayor: Luke Ravenstahl.

Apparently, the name change caused little controversy.

Yes, Councilman Bill Peduto started to object during Council's vote but he was quickly shouted down by most of the rest of the members who had sponsored the bill.

To their credit, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette did publish a strongly worded editorial decrying that the name should be "Lukesburgh" and not "Lukesburg." They demanded that the city keep it's cherished "h." Matt Hogue, Assistant Communications Director, first claimed that, "It's a non issue." Ravenstahl initially claimed that the "h" was there, but then said that the missing letter was merely a typo. As you can see from the postcard, the "h" won the day.

Dennis Regan -- hired back in early 2008 with the title of The Enforcer -- is the official in charge of ensuring that all governmental offices, private businesses and local citizens comply with the name change.

And, what was the reaction from the burghosphere? From what I could see, very few local political bloggers exist in 2009. Word has it that most bloggers became exhausted from cataloging Luke's many shenanigans and had simply dropped out.

That's pretty much it (except for a few primarily cosmetic changes that you can see from the postcard).

Oh, wait a minute.

There was one kind of weird thing that happened. I ran into someone who claimed to be a fellow time traveler, but he was from twenty years or so in the future. A big, muscle-bound guy with a German accent who kept mumbling something about needing to save the future from President Ravenstahl. Probably just a nut . . .

(Inspired by this article.)


Anonymous said...

I just picked myself up off the floor after watching the burgher's youtube flashback, now this? My sides hurt...

Whigsboy said...

Did the Pirates still suck? It would just be nice to know whether I should abandon my 0.5% of hope that they might have a winning season sometime before the end of the decade.

Mark Rauterkus said...

Statues of Stalin, Mao nor Saddam were never as big.

What's that thing made of? Did Alcoa sponsor it? Gold tin-foil? Did China send it here -- in return for a few Westinghouse nukes? The French gave us Lady Liberty, perhaps this trojan horse arrived with some Peking Duck and Shark Fin Soup for a mega block party.

My time travel begins with our trip on Saturday.

Gloria said...

Welcome back.

This one was worth waiting for, fabulous.

Anonymous said...

Too funny.

You forgot the part about outlawing the shoving of police when drunk during steeler games in which you feel offended.

Skip said...


spork_incident said...


The Spirit of Luke will be in all of us!



Ms. Monongahela, Ms. Chief Editor said...

I howled when I saw this, Maria.

Glad you're back and posting.

Maria said...

Thanks all. Unfortunately this may be the last Photoshopped piece for a while. Yesterday was the last day of the free trial Photoshop program installed on a borrowed Mac laptop that I've been using to do graphics for other projects.

Matt H said...

Thanks for the mention...haha

Jack said...

I am glad that you're proud of our mayor also.