June 6, 2007

An Open Letter to the Stupid F*cking Bitch Who Nearly Ran Me Over Tonight

Dear Stupid Fucking Bitch with license plate # ERE-1517:

You nearly ran me over tonight. Oh, wait, you may have nearly run over who-knows-how-many people tonight so let me be more exact as to which one I was. I was the woman crossing East Carson Street at South 24th tonight around 9:20.

I had a green light, I had the walk signal, I had right of way as a pedestrian and I was halfway across Carson when you came within inches of hitting me.

You were the stupid fucking bitch who made a left off of South 24th onto Carson flying like a bat out of hell with one hand on the wheel and a cell phone in the other hand yacking on it like a stupid fucking bitch.

The license plate number of the car you were driving was ERE-1517. You are young with dirty blonde hair pulled back and are a stupid fucking bitch.

I was the woman who had to jerk to a stop and try to back up as I think you may have swerved ever so slightly (not sure about the swerve part -- I was busy trying to save my life). I also yelled out "stupid fucking bitch" to you but as you were still speeding, you may not have heard me. I am also the woman who had the presence of mind to memorize your license plate (ERE-1517) as you sped off.

You look to me like the kind of stupid fucking bitch who probably idolizes Paris Hilton, so here's a clue: you will end up having to spend far longer in jail than she has if you keep driving like a stupid fucking bitch.

I hope that someone recognizes the license plate number of ERE-1517 and gives me your name and contact information.

Sincerely,
Maria, the woman who you nearly ran over because you are such a stupid fucking bitch

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

yikes.

mental note: don't almost run over maria.

Simply Eva said...

I'm a Pgh'er born and bred. But I hate this city! The asshole drivers are one reason--among so many. I've traveled the world and still never saw drivers like in this one-horse town. Anyway, maybe you have a back injury from jerking yourself out of the way and can call the police to report it and they can help you get the SFB's insurance info? If it was me I'd do it.

Now about your blog--I LOVE it--absolutely LOVE it. I'm going to spend most of the might reading it, and will also link to it. Would you reciprocate with a link to me at PEACENIK I found you on Blogo Wogo, btw, and gave you a 5 for this article. Great stuff! Hope to see you at some of the activities you mention on your site!

Anonymous said...

Oh please Maria. This is Pgh for f*cks sakes. First off, I shall agree and say that she's a "sfb" for not seeing you because you stick out like a sore thumb...or in more accurate terms and scale, you stick out like a sore blimp.

Anonymous said...

"Anyway, maybe you have a back injury from jerking yourself out of the way and can call the police to report it and they can help you get the SFB's insurance info? If it was me I'd do it."

"Maybe?" Does this sound as if someones making a suggestion at fraud? The same kind of fraud where someone shows up in a courtroom wearing a neck brace and immediately after the huge settlement gets awarded, the neck brace comes off and goes in the trash can?

What an honest liberal Eva must be (*cough*bullshit*cough*). In fact, this is nothing more than a prime example of how most liberals are, if you ask me.

Oooops, I am offering criticism! Thats something I cannot do to a liberal because when one criticizes liberals, they are a racist, a bigot, and filled with hate.

Anonymous said...

Thats something I cannot do to a liberal because when one criticizes liberals, they are a racist, a bigot, and filled with hate.
In your case, it's not necessary to criticize a liberal. You were already a racist, a bigot, and filled with hate, Master Lie.

Anonymous said...

2 comments.

(1) Are you allowed to call another woman an SFB (whether she is or not) as a feminist? Personally, I say yes, but then again, I'm a man.

(2) I've never seen such bad drivers and pedestrians as in this town. You were probably one of only 3 people who used a crosswalk and waited until you had the walk sign in the city last night. I'm not surprised at your predicament. It happens to me almost every day on my walk to work.

Anonymous said...

Maria,

You can file a police report since you have the license number. Not much might come of it, but still...when she actually hurts someone, there will be paper trail of past behavior. Plus, if they can get you her identity, you can file a claim with her insurance company for her pain and suffering ... and anger. :-)

Be the change that makes a difference ... call the police.

Sue

Sherry Pasquarello said...

call the cops.

and i see nothing wrong in calling her exactly what she was.

Bernie O'Hare said...

I don't know whether it's ok to call a woman a "bitch." In the course of an argument, I once used that term with another woman, and she refused to speak to me after that for nine months. I don't think it's much more offensive than calling someone an asshole, but I'm not a woman.

Maria said...

Answers:

1. I'm sure Eva was kidding (nice blog!).

2. Since being sick I've lost 75 pounds so I'm more of a mini-blimp than an extra large blimp now (but thank you for your kind thoughts!).

3. I call both men and women "bitches" and "assholes."

4. I may still call the police.

Anonymous said...

If you call the police, they'll be able to run the plate for you - of course, she was probably driving daddy's car...

Simply Eva said...

My blogger friends and I have been dealing with some anonymous commenters of our own, who hide behind the shroud of anonymity to spew hate. As in the case of The Cowardly Lion up there posting as "At 6:56 AM, Anonymous...". See right away he/she misjudged my intentions and accused me of encouraging insurance fraud. No, jerkface, that was NOT my point. I've been in the same situation. Back injuries dont always show up right away. They can come on days later. When it happened to me, the woman in question stopped and we exchanged information. I told her I felt OK then--other than being obviously shaken up--but informed her I reserved the right to report the incident to both of our insurance companies if I felt bad later on. Of course she understood...which is more than I can say for Anonymous who must judge everyone's intentions by his own. Get a life! And thanks Maria and btw it's not too late to call the police and file a report.

Anonymous said...

Eva, that particular jerkface is Braden, whom I call Master Lie. He was our resident foaming-at-the-mouth teenage wingnut for quite a while, but after the November elections, his "wife" (no doubt actually "mommy") made him quit blogging for a while. Said it was bad for his health.

So now he's back, but obviously too embarrassed to use his old name. He thinks we don't recognize him: as though he painted a frog bright red so we'd think it was a sportscar.

He gave me half the name I use on this blog. Enjoy abusing him...that's why he comes here.

Anonymous said...

Maria -

Call the cops and file a report. If nothing else, the bitch ought to be put through a little bit of hell for what she did.

And I speak with from some personal knowledge...as I actually saw my wife get hit and run over by a stupid fucking driver several years ago!

She survived and is fine today, but this needless event put her through years of pain....and nothing really ever happened to the driver...other than his insurance company had to pay up.

Pittsburgh has some of the stupidest drivers and pedestrians anywhere...and I swear it's getting worse. Not only are people crossing against the light constantly, but they've adopted this slow, stupid swagger...as if they're asking to be hit.

I have often wondered; everyone jokes about the "Pittsburgh left," but have the Boys in Blue every actually ticketed someone for pullling one? If they would start to, maybe a few less accidents and injuries would occur each year.

And like I said, call the cops. Do it now. As the EMS guys told us after my wife was brought to the hospital, "We usually are picking up people like you in body bags."

That could have been you!

Fernack

Anonymous said...

100% with you on this. One of the first things I noticed when I moved from Pgh. to the town I'm living in now is that drivers actually stop for people in crosswalks, and even when they are visibly, clearly waiting to cross at the crosswalk but haven't started yet. IT BLEW ME AWAY! But that's because I'm from Pittsburgh. And try, just try, to get the city to take action at a dangerous intersection. "Eh, whaddaya want, we painted new lines on the crosswalk two years ago?!" That's the attitude. Oh, and, "What's your problem? Are you trying to harm local small businesses by trying to slow down car traffic? Whaddaya, a Communist?" And then there's the buck passing. The councilman would do something about it if only the cops would do something about it if only Public Works would do something about it if only the Mayor would do something about it if only the State Legislature would do something about it, then I could do something about it (Doug!).

And so on.

Anonymous said...

If your fat ass is in a car-- preferably a Giant Sequoia, Intergalatic Excursion, or some other road yacht--then your gold in this town.

Anonymous said...

"Giant Sequoia, Intergalatic Excursion..."

Sounds as if someone is suffering from a bit of class envy.

How many miles per gallon does your Saturn get by the way?