Prosecute the torture.

April 18, 2010

Some Follow-up From Last Night

We talked alot about religion in general and Catholicism in particular. The overall point I tried to make was that my criticism was not with Catholicism per se but with the abuse of power revealed by the ongoing scandal in the Vatican.

At the end of the show Sean Collier made an interesting point about how the minute differences between the various denominations seem to overwhelm any notion of the similarities between denominations. I think I have that right. Sean, if you're reading this and I got it wrong, drop me a line and I'll fix it.

On the way I badly mangled a great Emo Philipps joke. For the sake of comedy karma, here's the joke - from the master himself:
Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump.

I said, "Don't do it!"

He said, "Nobody loves me."

I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"

He said, "Yes."

I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?"

He said, "A Christian."

I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?"

He said, "Protestant."

I said, "Me, too! What franchise?"

He said, "Baptist."

I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"

He said, "Northern Baptist."

I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."

I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region."

I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912."

I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.
As proper comedy penance I present one more Emo religion joke fer y'inz:
When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised, the Lord doesn't work that way. So I just stole one and asked Him to forgive me ... and I got it!
I pray the comedy gods forgive me for so badly mangling The Word of The Emo.

2 comments:

Conservative Mountaineer said...

Here's one you could have told...

Obama dies and finds himself before the Pearly Gates.

He is very excited; all his life he's had a secret wish and longed to meet the Prophet Mohammed.

Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, Barack meets a man with a beard.

"Are you Mohammed?" he asks.

"No, my son. I am Peter. Mohammed is higher up." Peter then points to a ladder that rises into the clouds.

Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than Peter, Obama climbs the ladder in great strides.

He climbs through the clouds coming to a room where he meets another bearded man.

He asks again, "Are you Mohammed?"

"No, I am Moses. Mohammed is up higher."

Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy he climbs the ladder yet again.

He discovers an even larger room where he meets another man with a beard.

Full of hope, he asks again, "Are you Mohammed?"

"No, I am Jesus... You will find Mohammed higher up."

Mohammed higher than Jesus! Man! Obama can hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs, ever higher.

Once again, he reaches a larger room where he meets a man with a beard and repeats his question: "Are You Mohammed?" he gasps as he is, by now, totally out of breath from all his climbing.

"No, my son... I am God Almighty. But you look exhausted. Would you like a something to drink?"

"Yes! Please, my Lord", replies Obama. God looks behind him, claps his hands and yells out: "Hey Mohammed-- two ice teas!"

Mark Rauterkus said...

He could have told that, but why? Jokes are meant to be funny.